It needs to breathe.
It needs to feel.
It needs to be free.
What happens though if this fire is tamed.
Not allowed to breathe.
Does it fight?
Fight its suppressor.
For its color.
For its identity.
For its existence.
Or does it fizz out?
Losing its fire.
Untill fire is no longer fire.
When you have no one to run up to,
when words lump in your throat
for they don’t discover ears to rest.
Waiting for someone to knock on your door,
yet not letting them inside.
Paradox, ain’t it?
No, it’s not solitude,
for solitude is tranquil.
Loneliness, it consumes you.
Some things engrave upon you a mark,
a mark deeper than a bruise,
yet not deep enough to be wound.
Just a scar,
a scar camouflaged with make-up,
yet never letting you shut out,
its daunting presence.
Some things cling onto you
parasites that become the key to our survival,
parasites that become symbiotic.
Some things change you,
change you that your former-self seems an illusion,
change you that your memory deceives you.
I know it has been long. You must be wondering what’s up with my life? Where have I been? My answer. Well, I don’t have an answer. It’s all hazy. Hazy as the memory of the times when happiness wasn’t really an alien idea.
Tell me, my friend. Is being happy as difficult as it seems today? Why can’t I just laugh my heart out? I don’t feel anything anymore. Nothing bothers me now. This should have been good, right? But it is not. Time keeps passing. With me on my bed. Neither asleep nor awake. Nothing makes sense. All the people and things I have loved are drifting. Drifting far away. To the point of no return. Words don’t find their way out through my lips. Blank. That is what everything seems like.
How did it all this happen? How did this upbeat person become so beaten down? I am as clueless as you may be. Have you ever felt this helpless?
Thank you for listening. Hope you are doing well.
Small cities. They are chaotic. They are clumsy. They are orderless.
Yet there is something. Something that makes you theirs in a flash. Like you have always belonged here.
This aura of calm and content. They are at peace. They are Happy.
“You know how when you’re in a car and it’s pouring down heavily, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it’s almost peaceful. Then you finally get from under the bridge, and everything hits you a little harder than before.
You were my bridge.”
पादं शिष्यः स्वमेधया ।
पादं कालक्रमेण च ॥
From the teacher is learned a quarter,
a quarter from the student’s own intelligence,
a quarter from fellow students,
and a quarter with the passage of time.