I know it has been long. You must be wondering what’s up with my life? Where have I been? My answer. Well, I don’t have an answer. It’s all hazy. Hazy as the memory of the times when happiness wasn’t really an alien idea.
Tell me, my friend. Is being happy as difficult as it seems today? Why can’t I just laugh my heart out? I don’t feel anything anymore. Nothing bothers me now. This should have been good, right? But it is not. It’s like I am not human anymore. Time keeps passing. With me on my bed. Neither asleep nor awake. Nothing makes sense. All the people and things I have loved are drifting. Drifting far away. To the point of no return. Words don’t find their way out through my lips. Blank. That is what everything seems like.
How did it all this happen? How did this upbeat person become so beaten down? I am as clueless as you may be. Have you ever felt this helpless?
Thank you for listening. Hope you are doing well.
Small cities. They are chaotic. They are clumsy. They are orderless.
Yet there is something. Something that makes you theirs in a flash. Like you have always belonged here.
This aura of calm and content. They are at peace. They are Happy.
“You know how when you’re in a car and it’s pouring down heavily, you go under a bridge and everything stops. Everything goes silent and it’s almost peaceful. Then you finally get from under the bridge, and everything hits you a little harder than before.
You were my bridge.”
I hope this reaches you. I wanted to acknowledge you. And maybe thank you. For what you did. And what you didn’t.
The journey we shared has to end. Soon. Our separation, inevitable. All I can muster is mixed feelings. You were different from the rest. When we met, it didn’t seem anything special. You, though never failed to surprise me. We shared some of the most beautiful moments together and yet you proved to be my worst adversary on numerous occasions. You have always been so unpredictable. Despite all your evil games, you gave me a lot of firsts. You made me experience things I had only heard or read about. I lost. I drowned. Yet, I was only racing forward. I don’t know how I managed to tolerate you for such a long time. Maybe it was you who made me stronger. You definitely taught me what life is all about.
As we head down our own paths, I am split. Happy and excited. Dismal and scared. Will I miss you? I am not sure. You sure as hell, have been an amazing teacher. However it turns out to be, 2016, I am glad that you happened.
Is it possible to experience something again?
Can we somehow relive some of our best days?
Can we go back to the person we used to be?
Where are those once indispensable things now?
Where did we lose our best ones?
Where are those days of joy and adventure now?
Nostalgia, thou heartless bitch!