You have always loved to play hide and seek, haven’t you? You seem to pretty good at it. Seeking, was never my cup of tea. I give up now! I think the time has come for your “dhappa”. I wouldn’t mind it at all. In fact, I’d secretly love it. I’d finally get to see you and your smile.
I see you dying of laughter as you try to teach me to dance. I with a sheepish grin fail terribly to match your steps. It’s not my fault though! How so you expect me to concentrate while you giggle incessantly.
I see us discussing how modern love is not love. I see us doing everything old-school. I see us having intelligent conversations.
And booookssss! I don’t usually lend books, but for you I’ll make an exception. We’ll collect books together! I’ll try to catch your literary references and will try to make some too. Have you read The Perks of Being A Wallflower? It’s my favorite book! Don’t worry if you have seen the movie already. The best part is that the author has only directed the movie.
I see you laughing not at my jokes, but at how hard I try to crack them. I will teach you to appreciate puns, don’t worry. You’ll see how it is the most beautiful thing in the entire world.
I am yet to figure out whether you are gonna be a tea or coffee person. I’ll make you like tea, that’s for sure.
I know about all that talk of self love and you-dont-need-anyone-else, but without you there , the world somehow seems a very lonely place to be.
We haven’t probably even met (have we?) and I have already burdened you with so many expectations, haven’t I? You know how much I romanticize things. I know you’ll be just perfect (See? another expectation!).
Or maybe none of my fantasies come true. All I know is that you’ll be worth all the wait. So when do you plan your “dhappa”?
It’s strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book.
I was a wallflower.
I was an introvert.
I was not one of those kids people notice immediately.
I was a “nobody”.
I was one of those kids in school that almost no one spoke to because I always kept to myself.
I was insecure.
I was scared that if I try to talk no one would listen.
I recently read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and never has a book resonated with me on a deeper level
Contrary to the book’s synopsis, this is not the story about a teenage boy Charlie. Or a Sam. Or a Patrick. This is my story. And probably yours. The feelings we could never find words to recite. The thoughts we dismissed as our overthinking. The words that were left unspoken. The times we lost ourselves. The times we doubted ourselves. The battles we fought secretly. The days when “you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist.” This book captures all of them beautifully.
There are times in life when the sensation of being a spectator of life, rather than a participant in it becomes all too relevant. There are times when we feel like an outsider with no sense of belonging. As Charlie says, all we need to do is keep the faith and try pushing ourselves forward.
We are who we are for a lot of reasons. We cannot change someone’s past no matter how hard it may be for us to digest. If we love a person in our life all we can do is to accept what he/she has done or been through. After all, it’s our past that has shaped the present us. The past can’t be edited. What do we choose to do with our lives, where we do choose to lead ourselves. That is paramount.
This is a book that moved me miles. Miles that brought me closer to myself. Miles that made me understand that I am not the only one. That everyone has his/her “sob story.” That it’s perfectly fine to break down once in a while but, to give up ,that would be wrong.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.